A Special Little Girl

As a parent it is our job to not only love our children but protect them as well.

For the past year I have been following up on a little girl that has been battling terminal brain cancer for 2 of the 3 years of her life. The past month Sophia health has really started deteriorating, she's lost not only her sight but her hearing and ability to talk as well. The past week I have had her on my mind regularly. Nightly I get online to see if her parents or her Aunt Peggie have posted any news on Sophia and every night it seems that there is more saddening news about the sweet little girl. Today it finally got to me after I read possibly one of the last posts about Sophia, her mother, who it my eyes has got to be the strongest lady to have to deal with watching her first child slowly pass, wrote a letter letting everyone know that Sophia's having major troubles breathing and that the nurse informed the family that it will be just a few hours before Sophia passes. This unselfish mother is having to watch her little baby suffice to such a painful cancer while she holds her in her arms.

After reading this latest update on Sophia I decided to go back and read all the previous letters her mother had wrote about Sophia's decline, not in a single letter has she blamed God for this happening to her daughter. Not in a single letter has she taken for-granted the moments of sitting on the couch with Sophia watching tv, coloring or even sitting up with her on the nights she woke up in pain screaming because her head hurts. Not in a single letter did regret any of it.

It takes such a strong woman to be able to deal with the process of losing your child. I don't mean for it to seem that the father doesn't suffer along with the mother but the bond a mother a child have together is one that cannot be matched or compared.....ask any mother and they can tell you that. I thank God everyday that so far that Blake and I have been blessed with a healthy baby. I don't know if I could be as strong Sophia's mother has been if Brody was in the same situation.

Before I was a mom I never knew what it was to love someone so much that I would die for them. Yes, I love Blake as a spouse but the love that I have for Brody is one that is unconditional because he's half me.....he's got his daddy's looks mixed with my personality and dimples. I never really understood what my mother meant when she said she'd die for me, that she would rather herself hurt then for me to ever feel any pain. Once I had Brody I realized exactly what my mom was talking about when she told me just how much she loved me because I feel the same way now. I would endure all the pain in the world as long as my little man never has to feel what its like to deal with such a cruel disease as cancer.

Sophia's aunt said something the other day that really got to me, Sophia told her parents a couple months ago that she would be ok and for them not to worry. A 3 year old said this to her parents......whao! This little girl has more strength and courage in her little body than many grown adults will ever have in their entire life.

As Sophia's journey comes to the end and she finally gains her angel wings I want everyone to appreciate who and what you have in your life because you are not guaranteed today or tomorrow. Appreciate all you have and be thankful that your able to hold your loved ones.

GOD BLESS PRECIOUS SOPHIA!!!!

My frustrations

So I'm sitting here in class....as you can tell I'm not paying much attention......playing on my laptop. Can I say THANK YOU to the person who invented laptops, without them I'm pretty sure there would be a lot of college drop outs. Seriously what would we do without Facebook, Myspace and any other website that keeps us occupied while we hear boring lectures. Today is definitely one of those laptop days for not only me but I'm pretty much so sure almost every girl in this class has her laptop up. Does the professor not realize that no one is paying attention? Is he really that wrapped up in his lecture he can't see that there are no eyes on him?

Since I'm not going to pay attention to him I'm just going to keep writing my blog so it seems like I'm taking notes from his "AMAZING" lecture.

College definitely hasn't changed after 5 years of being here. I kind of miss teaching myself like I did last semester when I was pregnant with Brody. The whole idea that I have to sit in a room with a bunch of other people listening to a professor go on and on about something that I will never use in my entire career really bores me. I can't wait til May when I will be completely done with college.....the $20,000 a year for 5 years , late nights studying and lack of time spent with my family will no longer be an issue!!! WOOHOO!!!

Other than college being a pain in my butt, work has started to become a bigger headache than a stress reliever. I love the idea of my job, but I've started disliking the environment that its in. For an instance, for the past couple weeks the type of workers that are employed at the office are really starting to differentiate: the workers and the space fillers. This issue has not only gotten worse as each day goes by but is completely out of hand. I'm the type of person who will help at any area I am need (i.e. insurance, nurse, bill, etc) which is how many of the employees are, but there are those "black sheep" that find it necessary to only help themselves or do nothing at all. This PISSES me off so bad!!!!! I've really tried not to say anything but its to the point now where I really can't control what I say. I don't feel like it is ok to do nothing and put your work on everyone else. I've prayed and prayed about the situation, but I feel that now the only way I can not be bothered about the situation is to leave, move on and find another job. Do I want to do this? NO! I just can't keep doing my job and having to re compensate for the things they didn't do.

Please pray for the office that things will be resolved!

FYI ASHLEY IS COMING HOME SATURDAY!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!

Why rush????

I've come to realize that God has blessed me with an amazing other half. I will admit we have had our ups and downs, our fights, and our make-ups but isn't that what makes loving someone so wonderful? Our relationship hasn't been storybook ideal, especially since we were surprised to find out Brody was on the way....don't get me wrong I wouldn't take a bit of it back. I guess what really kind of bugs me is how fast people rush into things: careers, marriage, expanding families, etc. I admit when I found out I was pregnant a million things ran through my mind and most of them were pretty selfish ideas, but one thing that didn't worry me was marriage. YES, I love Blake with all my heart and yes I will marry him....one day, but I was not about to push him into such a huge commitment if both of us wasn't ready. We both feel that marriage is something you only do once and if that means you have to constantly work on keeping the relationship strong you do so. After almost 3 years you'd think I know him pretty good, but everyday I learn something new about him....something that makes me fall more in love with him. By having a child I have come to appreciate what he does for me and the things he gives me........BRODY.

I was on the phone this afternoon with someone I'm really close to listening to her problems she's having with her boyfriend of 5 years. Hearing some of the things he does and says to her makes me so extremely mad. I mean seriously is there really any need to be so degrading to another human being? NO!!!! It has taken her 5 years to realize that this guy isn't good enough for her and that she deserves so much better than him. Hearing situations like this one really makes me not only grateful to have Blake but also makes me want to be completely certain about the next big step....marriage. With the divorce rate being so high, I feel that it is vital to truly know your significant other before you make such a huge commitment.

I know that when Blake and I finally do get married I will not only be marrying my best friend but the one person who knows me completely just as well as I know them.

Sick Humor

Blake's at work, Brody's passed out and I'm sitting here.....bored. Oh what fun I'm having! OK so I'm the type of person who gets freaked out by the smallest thing.....I like the idea of watching scary movies but I'm too afraid to watch them, I love old houses but I'm terrified of knowing what was once in them, I like having me time but I hate being alone....does this make sense? NO!!! So here I am sitting in this old cabin basically by myself because I don't think a 3 month old really counts as having company especially since he's asleep. Blake's at work as usual which constantly takes all his time, he's an embalmer which that alone is a little odd. His sense of humor comes from the grotesque funeral home jokes.....people are just dying to come see him....haha not funny!!!! Recently he thought it was absolutely necessary to tell me the previous owners died in the cabin. HELLO!!!! Was that really important to a person who is scared of pretty much everything? I know there's nothing really wrong with this house and I know the creaky of the hardwood floors is due to the fact that its an older house but I can't help but get a little creeped out every time I hear something. The entire cabin is lit up like a Christmas tree and I'm sure Blake will kill me when he gets the power bill but oh well. I'm alone in a cabin in the woods with my little baby boy what else can he expect....right? Please pray for me that I don't scare myself to death:)

Work and attitudes don't mix!!!!

I am all for peace and harmony but there are certain situations where war is needed.....this is one of them. One of the biggest reasons I love my job is because the atmosphere is pleasant and the people that work here are great. Working at a pediatrics office has shown me so many things with my personal life of being a mommy and my future career choice of pharmacuetical sales. It is unfortunate that certain people see it necessary to tear down all that we have accomplished as a group of people. Personally my opinion is to leave your attitude at the door!! A lot of work related issues I feel revolve largely around immaturity and the lack of happiness in the home. Sorry life isn't always going to be perfect but you manage and make the best out of the situation. A quite hilarious event happened this afternoon at work with a fellow co-worker....her attitude for the past couple weeks has been quite sour, no better yet her attitude has sucked. Her constant smarta** comments to a couple people and then to myself finally got to me when she stated she had a life to my polite question I asked her. I mean seriously was there any need to be rude???? Umm no! So me being a very opinionate person of course had to pop something back to her....I know be the bigger person but my inner childlike self got a hold of me. So I very confidently stated I have a life and walked off. I know it doesn't seem like much but it was a small victory for the ones of us that no matter how bad of a day we are having continue to be nice. My words of wisdom.....do unto others as you would have them do unto you!!

This is the beginning......

As the year comes to a close I now see myself reminiscing over the roller coaster of events that have taken place. The most joyous thing that could have happen, did. Blake and myself were blessed with a precious little boy that we named Brody Elijah Tanner....I know every one's shocked we didn't named him Jeff Jimmy Gordon Johnson, believe me Blake tried and I forcefully made sure that didn't happen. Brody was a healthy 7lbs. 5 oz. preemie boy that had to be delivered early only because I was in the early stages of pre-eclamsia. THANK GOODNESS he was early because I don't think I could handle having a massive baby come out of a tiny place! Can I please say c-section!?!? During the middle of the pregnancy Blake left Banister's Funeral Home due to differences of opinion, which allowed for him to venture out away from our small town to pursue his career in funeral services and also allowed him to spend more time with me during the complications we had with the pregnancy. I can honestly say I was grateful Blake left, not just because he wasn't appreciated there but because he got to really bond with Brody and me when we came home from the hospital. My personal opinion is that when a woman goes on maternity leave a man should be able to do the same with her. God continues to answer our prayers and we are truly grateful for all that he's done for us....Blake is now working in Royston at Pruitt Funeral Home and really likes the atmosphere and people he works with. He is not only appreciated for what he does, but is not constantly being used by someone. It's a little ways from home but we are so thankful that we are surrounded by such great people that treat us like family. Although the year was filled with many joyous events, including the pregnancy of my best friend Candace Wells and many other close friends, we have received horrible news that Blake's 82 year old grandfather has stage 4 brain cancer. This was a complete shock to everyone mainly because we found out around Thanksgiving. We spent Thanksgiving Day at North Fulton surrounded by some of the most generous nurses and doctors who allowed for us to celebrate down there. His grandfathers drive to live life to the fullest has amazed many of the doctors and nurses, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he's extremely stubborn and won't except no for an answer. Blake seems to have this trait too.....God help me! I can only hope that Brody has more characteristics like mine that of Blake's, this unfortunately doesn't seem to be happening though. We probably just should have named him Blake Jr. since everything about him is Blake. Looking over the past year I can definitely say the good events overrule the bad, like a roller coaster life if filled with low dips and high peaks.